Saturday, August 31, 2002
First Reading Resolve Success: Today I completed Elizabeth 1, CEO, the first book I have successfully read since my pledge to spend 2hrs in the UCI bookstore each day. It was an awesome book about the life of a leader who had everything going against her... a male dominated society, an inherited bad econ, a divided country, assassination attempts, and more. Women leaders are incredible, and they are ever more incredible as we look farther and farther back into the past. Truely a remarkable woman who devoted her character, wits, patience, love, and sheer ability to triumph for the good of all. I personally thought it was fun going thru her attributes and comparing them to mine like a checklist... some I thanked God I had, others I had to work on, and the rest I need to acquire.
Friday, August 30, 2002
Justinism: Use of innovative thinking to solve problems.
Today I amazed myself by solving a prob my roommates and I have been trying to figure out for the longest time... how to lower the shower curtain in the bathroom so bathwater doesn't keep leaking out and soaking the carpet. Don't laugh, there are few things worse then stepping out of the shower all clean and fresh into a wet spot in the carpet.
How did I solve it? Instead of trying to shorten the bar that holds up the curtain, I decided to try a diagonal approach which we dimissed previously fearing that it would be unstable (imagine taking a shower then having the curtain drop when ur half done unccessarily flashing all and embarrasing self)... This was still a bit shaky, so I took off one of the rubber stablizers on one end then pushed the other end of the bar slightly up so the bar dug into the wall, thereby stablizing it. To shower bliss!
Today I amazed myself by solving a prob my roommates and I have been trying to figure out for the longest time... how to lower the shower curtain in the bathroom so bathwater doesn't keep leaking out and soaking the carpet. Don't laugh, there are few things worse then stepping out of the shower all clean and fresh into a wet spot in the carpet.
How did I solve it? Instead of trying to shorten the bar that holds up the curtain, I decided to try a diagonal approach which we dimissed previously fearing that it would be unstable (imagine taking a shower then having the curtain drop when ur half done unccessarily flashing all and embarrasing self)... This was still a bit shaky, so I took off one of the rubber stablizers on one end then pushed the other end of the bar slightly up so the bar dug into the wall, thereby stablizing it. To shower bliss!
On Drinking: Alcohol tolerance to me is obedience to absence even when everyone one is tempting me.
Excellento!!!: I was reading the Bible, and found a 50 dollar bill in there. The implication: it pays to read. Justin's interpretation: God loves you.
People Believe in Me: People say it all the time... I'm always a bit skeptical that success is so firmly in my grasp because there is so much for me to improve on... but Catherine said it again today, people think I will succeed. Perhaps they see something I don't. Perhaps their repeated evaluations of me will become truth as I strive to confirm their belief in me. Thanks my peoples, ONE LOVE!!!
Benefits of Happiness: When I am happy I naturally make better decisions, which in turn makes me more likely to succeed. When one is happy, there is a NEED to make others around u happy as well.
One Day: Woke up early, read at bookstore for a couple hours (and will conquer the book by tomorrow), research meeting, toured newport library and found a whole bunch of books and videos I would want to read but wish I had the time to do so before i get old and wrinkly, did some LSAT studying (could have done more had my eyelids not drooped), gave Catherine a tour of 99Ranch Market and Sam Woo Restaurant, fresh crab + roasted duck night (with rice and side of stirfry, and a cup of ) with Catherine, talked till midnight about everything from having Hillary Clinton as President of the US to the greatness of Imperial China.
Wednesday, August 28, 2002
Abe Spends a Day at the UCI Bookstore:
Big BeeBee: the bookstore doesn't have the books i was looking for, and wasn't as extensive as Barnes and Noble
Big BeeBee: BUT i don't have to jog 2.6 miles to B&N because...
Big BeeBee: it did have books that i was interested in... and plenty to read. I find that the books talk about stuff i think about everyday, so it is faster for me to read about the ideas that have been developed then to think of the all again myself... Perhaps i can do less "reinventing the wheel" as Justin puts it. My brain works like a gigantic machine with a bunch of lottery balls in it... occassionally a ball pops out that represents an idea.... what I do by reading more is put more balls in and hope that more balls come out the other end.
Promise of Constant Vigilance:
Big BeeBee: i'm gonna spend two hours in the bookstore each day reading what i want
Big BeeBee: i am tired of people telling me that they don't have time to do so
Big BeeBee: I can do it, i am abe afterall
Big BeeBee: the bookstore doesn't have the books i was looking for, and wasn't as extensive as Barnes and Noble
Big BeeBee: BUT i don't have to jog 2.6 miles to B&N because...
Big BeeBee: it did have books that i was interested in... and plenty to read. I find that the books talk about stuff i think about everyday, so it is faster for me to read about the ideas that have been developed then to think of the all again myself... Perhaps i can do less "reinventing the wheel" as Justin puts it. My brain works like a gigantic machine with a bunch of lottery balls in it... occassionally a ball pops out that represents an idea.... what I do by reading more is put more balls in and hope that more balls come out the other end.
Promise of Constant Vigilance:
Big BeeBee: i'm gonna spend two hours in the bookstore each day reading what i want
Big BeeBee: i am tired of people telling me that they don't have time to do so
Big BeeBee: I can do it, i am abe afterall
The Dawning: It is now 6:25am. Jeff and I just did the coolest thing!!! He is online studying for a test and i'm journaling, so I IMed him and told him to look out the window for the sunrise. We aren't together in the same city, but there is something simply cool knowing that somewhere, someone is doing the same thing at the same time. To Friends!!!
On Friends: I truely believe that the people I meet have a purpose in my life and/or I a purpose in theirs. That means that if contact is made, then your important in some way to me even if I don't recognize it at the time. Don't doubt your impact on the way I think. There are no chance meetings.
The song that best describes these special people: "You Set Me Free," by Michelle Branch
The song that best describes these special people: "You Set Me Free," by Michelle Branch
Cleansing Thoughts: While in the shower, I started to imagine what my future life would be like and what "Future abe" would think of "College abe." I think future abe would think that college abe was a happier abe. That doesn't mean my future isn't as bright as today; rather, it means that I have reason to feel grateful today. What does my future life look like? I stepped out of the shower before I could properly imagine it.
note: While showering, the best thing in the world is to turn up the radio to 95.9 the FISH, the christian station, which has inspirational songs that facilitate thinking. I recommend!!!
note: While showering, the best thing in the world is to turn up the radio to 95.9 the FISH, the christian station, which has inspirational songs that facilitate thinking. I recommend!!!
The Midnight Traveler: It is 5:38am, and I am in Irvine journaling on paper doing some late night thinking about what Justin and I said in chat. At the moment, I am a bit light-headed but thinking with remarkable clarity. I feel like i'm on a plane headed for some exotic place about to embark on a crazy adventure. I got my salted pistachios and soda too. Sweet action.
Snapshots of All-Nighter Conversation with Justin:
Abe Thinking:
Big BeeBee: i seriously think in a weird way, which i have been criticized for
Big BeeBee: i start weighing what ifs for the gurl
Big BeeBee: if i don't think the gurl is best off with me,
Big BeeBee: she is out even if I like her
Describing Abe:
tsai5491: inside, abe is like a complex didi
tsai5491: kinda going "err?" at the world, and just wants to run around
tsai5491: and explore
My Own Listing of Important Strengths:
Big BeeBee: i self analyze a lot
Big BeeBee: i can dream
Big BeeBee: i have begun to question
Big BeeBee: i think different
Big BeeBee: think of others first
Abe Thinking:
Big BeeBee: i seriously think in a weird way, which i have been criticized for
Big BeeBee: i start weighing what ifs for the gurl
Big BeeBee: if i don't think the gurl is best off with me,
Big BeeBee: she is out even if I like her
Describing Abe:
tsai5491: inside, abe is like a complex didi
tsai5491: kinda going "err?" at the world, and just wants to run around
tsai5491: and explore
My Own Listing of Important Strengths:
Big BeeBee: i self analyze a lot
Big BeeBee: i can dream
Big BeeBee: i have begun to question
Big BeeBee: i think different
Big BeeBee: think of others first
Tuesday, August 27, 2002
Irvine Sleepover Highlights:
*Crab Night III—Justin, Richard and I got to Irvine first to do some tidying up before my other five official guests arrived… I came back to a bunch of unpaid bills (some which were overdue cuz my roommates neglected to pay) and was in a foul mood… but things improved when the three of us re-enacted the first crab night we had on our New York trip. For those that don’t know, while in Boston, Justin and I decided to cook our own crab and lobster in the hotel room by buying a hot plate and pot… we feasted like crazzzzzy. Anyway, this time we used stone crab which was so much better because the meat was sweeter and the females had eggs. In true NYC style, Justin and I both brought our nutcrackers that we brought back as momentos. We didn’t do much talking at Crab Night, but it was reliving NYC memories with everyone that originally came on the trip that made it hella cool. To friends!!!
*Cards and Scrabble—The staple activities of our group. We usually play truth-big2 when we hang out and scrabble online on yahoo… there is something about playing in person tho that makes it so much better though. The games were simply an excuse to talk and keep the conversation going. The alcohol and ice cream helped too and was necessary for everyone, but I don’t drink alcohol and am not a dessert fan, so I’ll let the people who do like that stuff dwell on the fabulous liquor and snacks.
*Pasta Cookoff—Jeff featured seafood pasta and Jules challenged with chicken pasta. Cooking has been a theme in our sleepovers since Richard and I did crab night for everyone in San Diego. I gotta say, it seemed like Iron Chef style for a while in the kitchen, and the taste came out great. I refuse to do ratings, but the both of them clearly won in the “lowest budget category” of all our cookoffs. What’s next time guys?
Note, I say guys because an interesting dynamic of our group is that the females know less about domestic duties than the guys of our group do. It is not because the females are incompetent, but because the guys are just that cool. I’ll say what I’ve said all along, whatever females marry with people in our group are gonna be hella lucky.
Post note, Cynthie did make salad with her apprentice Linda. Linda, next time you will have to show off what you learned by making salad all yourself. Props on Cynthie’s salad making skills… it was nice and dry outside but moist and fresh inside.
*Barnes and Noble-- Never bring a big group to barnes and noble. We are all nerdy people and love to read, but some people couldn’t concentrate and we quickly left. I think Richard and I were trying to replay the success of barnes and noble in San Diego, but this time it simply didn’t work.
*Europe Trip Becomes a Certainty—The best news in the world I found out while bonding was that Cynthie is still serious about going to Europe and willing to spend the $3000-4000 + 40 days on it. Sweet action.
Because Cynthie is going, Justin’s requirements have been met… Justin was concerned that going with me alone would be too tiring for him so he needed to have someone balance my zest (someone slower and more laid back).
The three of us have decided on early summer next year (summer2003) as the time to go on our student budget tour to 12 countries. Because the three of us are in, other people in the group are considering it because the number of the people interested as reached critical mass. This isn’t a wild dream anymore, this is a wild reality.
Richard I have the most hopes for cuz he said he was 30-40% probability of going (I thought i was 5-10% when I approached him about it before). He went on the New York trip with me, and I remember how during the trip we felt bad that most of our friends weren’t there to experience all that we saw… it would be a shame if he couldn’t come this time around. People that didn’t come with us to New York also felt bad that they didn’t go, so perhaps they won’t have to regret a second time. If yall’ bandwagon jumpers want a lift, call me up ya?… wanting to go is more important, we can worry about the cash later.
*Crab Night III—Justin, Richard and I got to Irvine first to do some tidying up before my other five official guests arrived… I came back to a bunch of unpaid bills (some which were overdue cuz my roommates neglected to pay) and was in a foul mood… but things improved when the three of us re-enacted the first crab night we had on our New York trip. For those that don’t know, while in Boston, Justin and I decided to cook our own crab and lobster in the hotel room by buying a hot plate and pot… we feasted like crazzzzzy. Anyway, this time we used stone crab which was so much better because the meat was sweeter and the females had eggs. In true NYC style, Justin and I both brought our nutcrackers that we brought back as momentos. We didn’t do much talking at Crab Night, but it was reliving NYC memories with everyone that originally came on the trip that made it hella cool. To friends!!!
*Cards and Scrabble—The staple activities of our group. We usually play truth-big2 when we hang out and scrabble online on yahoo… there is something about playing in person tho that makes it so much better though. The games were simply an excuse to talk and keep the conversation going. The alcohol and ice cream helped too and was necessary for everyone, but I don’t drink alcohol and am not a dessert fan, so I’ll let the people who do like that stuff dwell on the fabulous liquor and snacks.
*Pasta Cookoff—Jeff featured seafood pasta and Jules challenged with chicken pasta. Cooking has been a theme in our sleepovers since Richard and I did crab night for everyone in San Diego. I gotta say, it seemed like Iron Chef style for a while in the kitchen, and the taste came out great. I refuse to do ratings, but the both of them clearly won in the “lowest budget category” of all our cookoffs. What’s next time guys?
Note, I say guys because an interesting dynamic of our group is that the females know less about domestic duties than the guys of our group do. It is not because the females are incompetent, but because the guys are just that cool. I’ll say what I’ve said all along, whatever females marry with people in our group are gonna be hella lucky.
Post note, Cynthie did make salad with her apprentice Linda. Linda, next time you will have to show off what you learned by making salad all yourself. Props on Cynthie’s salad making skills… it was nice and dry outside but moist and fresh inside.
*Barnes and Noble-- Never bring a big group to barnes and noble. We are all nerdy people and love to read, but some people couldn’t concentrate and we quickly left. I think Richard and I were trying to replay the success of barnes and noble in San Diego, but this time it simply didn’t work.
*Europe Trip Becomes a Certainty—The best news in the world I found out while bonding was that Cynthie is still serious about going to Europe and willing to spend the $3000-4000 + 40 days on it. Sweet action.
Because Cynthie is going, Justin’s requirements have been met… Justin was concerned that going with me alone would be too tiring for him so he needed to have someone balance my zest (someone slower and more laid back).
The three of us have decided on early summer next year (summer2003) as the time to go on our student budget tour to 12 countries. Because the three of us are in, other people in the group are considering it because the number of the people interested as reached critical mass. This isn’t a wild dream anymore, this is a wild reality.
Richard I have the most hopes for cuz he said he was 30-40% probability of going (I thought i was 5-10% when I approached him about it before). He went on the New York trip with me, and I remember how during the trip we felt bad that most of our friends weren’t there to experience all that we saw… it would be a shame if he couldn’t come this time around. People that didn’t come with us to New York also felt bad that they didn’t go, so perhaps they won’t have to regret a second time. If yall’ bandwagon jumpers want a lift, call me up ya?… wanting to go is more important, we can worry about the cash later.
Focus for the Month of Sept: For the short period that I did study today, I was making excellent progress on LSAT.
Monday, August 26, 2002
Lunch: In-and-Out has the best burgers in the world, but the wait in line is a bitch. It's the slowest fast food in the world!!! :o.
Quick Sleepover Comments: Tired from Irvine Sleepover celebration which I co-hosted with Richard and Linda... I promise yall will get my take as soon as I do some thinking and journaling. Thanks for coming and sharing my living room Richard, Linda, Justin, Cynthie, Jeff, Julius, Edric, and Andy. Thanks for cooking Jeff and Jules, i'm still eating the pasta leftovers, good eatin' guys. I gotta say, I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD.
Abe’s Bain (by Richard & Justin): You tend to get too passionate about things u’re interested in or involved in. And you oftentimes try to get all your friends to join you in your endeavor. This usually sets you up for disappointment cuz many of your friends don’t share your passion and resist ur efforts of persuasion. And you burn out at the end and jump ship, often to pursue another passion.
**My Commentary: I am impressed at the analysis of abe-nature, attempting to compensate for this problem. I am trying to conquer chicken-assed-ness by doing things independently, polish my advocacy skills to convince friends to do what is in their best interest, and work harder and longer when I become passionate about something.
**My Commentary: I am impressed at the analysis of abe-nature, attempting to compensate for this problem. I am trying to conquer chicken-assed-ness by doing things independently, polish my advocacy skills to convince friends to do what is in their best interest, and work harder and longer when I become passionate about something.
MP3s: The good thing about being gone for three weeks is that when you come back all the old mp3s are good again. I also deleted a lot of songs that I was still sick of… and was disturbed at the number of angry, sad, and self-confidence destroying songs I have on file. I hope that an exclusive playlist of inspirational songs will further inspire me… and if not me, then it will make me act inspirational so I can inspire the people around here.
Thursday, August 22, 2002
a(bees) need the law:
Big BeeBee (1:47:38 AM): hey i am an ambitious bee
Big BeeBee (1:47:49 AM): bigbeebee suddenly makes more sense now
Big BeeBee (1:47:57 AM): i cann't succeed on my own
Big BeeBee (1:48:16 AM): and think in terms of the group
Big BeeBee (1:48:21 AM): like a BEE
Big BeeBee (1:48:29 AM): I'm the biggest bee out there
Big BeeBee (1:48:35 AM): KING BEE!!
Big BeeBee (1:49:24 AM): hence i think the only way for me to die is alone
Big BeeBee (1:49:44 AM): u never see a bunch of bees dead
Big BeeBee (1:49:57 AM): it is always one bee sprawled on the floor
tsai5491 (1:49:59 AM): yeah you do. you have obviously never had an exterminator over
tsai5491 (1:50:07 AM): :-D
Big BeeBee (1:50:09 AM): or getting chewed or dragged by ants
Big BeeBee (1:50:17 AM): ummm
Big BeeBee (1:50:24 AM): that would represent ameggedon
tsai5491 (1:50:52 AM): bees are very protective of their hive
I30lVNI333 (1:51:10 AM): ppl are afraid of bees with stingers
I30lVNI333 (1:51:14 AM): maybe the stinger is a law degree
I30lVNI333 (1:51:15 AM): hint hint
tsai5491 (1:52:43 AM): abe, don't bees die after they sting somebody?
tsai5491 (1:52:55 AM): :-D
I30lVNI333 (1:57:05 AM): well bees do a lot of good things
I30lVNI333 (1:57:08 AM): like pollinate flowers
I30lVNI333 (1:57:12 AM): so as long as you do good
I30lVNI333 (1:57:14 AM): you stay alive
I30lVNI333 (1:57:21 AM): but once you bug someone and sting them!
Big BeeBee (1:57:21 AM): umm...
I30lVNI333 (1:57:25 AM): you're screwed yourself
Big BeeBee (1:47:38 AM): hey i am an ambitious bee
Big BeeBee (1:47:49 AM): bigbeebee suddenly makes more sense now
Big BeeBee (1:47:57 AM): i cann't succeed on my own
Big BeeBee (1:48:16 AM): and think in terms of the group
Big BeeBee (1:48:21 AM): like a BEE
Big BeeBee (1:48:29 AM): I'm the biggest bee out there
Big BeeBee (1:48:35 AM): KING BEE!!
Big BeeBee (1:49:24 AM): hence i think the only way for me to die is alone
Big BeeBee (1:49:44 AM): u never see a bunch of bees dead
Big BeeBee (1:49:57 AM): it is always one bee sprawled on the floor
tsai5491 (1:49:59 AM): yeah you do. you have obviously never had an exterminator over
tsai5491 (1:50:07 AM): :-D
Big BeeBee (1:50:09 AM): or getting chewed or dragged by ants
Big BeeBee (1:50:17 AM): ummm
Big BeeBee (1:50:24 AM): that would represent ameggedon
tsai5491 (1:50:52 AM): bees are very protective of their hive
I30lVNI333 (1:51:10 AM): ppl are afraid of bees with stingers
I30lVNI333 (1:51:14 AM): maybe the stinger is a law degree
I30lVNI333 (1:51:15 AM): hint hint
tsai5491 (1:52:43 AM): abe, don't bees die after they sting somebody?
tsai5491 (1:52:55 AM): :-D
I30lVNI333 (1:57:05 AM): well bees do a lot of good things
I30lVNI333 (1:57:08 AM): like pollinate flowers
I30lVNI333 (1:57:12 AM): so as long as you do good
I30lVNI333 (1:57:14 AM): you stay alive
I30lVNI333 (1:57:21 AM): but once you bug someone and sting them!
Big BeeBee (1:57:21 AM): umm...
I30lVNI333 (1:57:25 AM): you're screwed yourself
Latest Concern: My dog may have asthma. Sheesh, his medical problems are stacking and he is only 6 years old. Freaking purebreeding with their incest bloodlines. Arghies.
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
There is something about journalizing and the joy of uncovering subconscious thinking and direction behind past actions and intentions.
What can I give you that would make you happy?
Chicken-assed-ness: I looked thru an article in Reader’s Digest about how to help kids learn, and it seems like I could check off everything the article said parents should do as things my parents did do. Perhaps the only thing they feared to teach fully was courage cuz I might get physically hurt or sick, so that may explain why I am chickenassed but never broken or twisted anything. My dad once broke his leg and could never forget the pain of constant fevers and craping as a teen. We did a lot of traveling and were out of the house and into the action a lot, but if there was a chance I could get hurt, I was withdrawn from the activity. My guess is that they knew the importance of this trait, because they always talked about trying new things and being brave, but feared to teach it for the same reason I don’t teach Didi to cross the street and instead leash him and pull him back when he gets curious.
I would also venture to guess this our high school group members also have caring parent and few past injuries to speak of. I don’t know what I would do for my own children, but I do know I need to learn this childhood leson soon or it will render the other lessons powerless. If the lesson of courage was too dangerous for kids, and questionable even at 18, age 21 should resolve all doubt because any older and it would be too late. I’m not letting this year pass without attacking fears with the safety off.
I would also venture to guess this our high school group members also have caring parent and few past injuries to speak of. I don’t know what I would do for my own children, but I do know I need to learn this childhood leson soon or it will render the other lessons powerless. If the lesson of courage was too dangerous for kids, and questionable even at 18, age 21 should resolve all doubt because any older and it would be too late. I’m not letting this year pass without attacking fears with the safety off.
General Mindset: Freaking ARSE i need to study!!!!!!!
DiDi abe: Of all the days we had in New York, the best by far remains the day I went off on my own and saw things/places no one else saw. I failed before that day when I wanted to attempt Brooklyn Bridge at night (I think God wanted me to see it by day rather than by night), but it was all worth it.
I was battling over whether it was best to follow self or if it was better to follow a wiser council who had my best interests in mind. Yes, this all leads back to career choices; me following parental guidance versus staking it out on my own. They are at odds with each other and cannot be reconciled.
Like with DiDi, I know if I let him run around in the street, which he loves to do, he will get himself run over sooner or later. I think I understand in this situation than him. But recently I noticed a change in him… before, as a puppy, he would dart out into the streets if we left a crack in the gate happily and with abandon. Now, he seems to understand that he isn’t supposed to run out and will promptly come back if we call him. He restricts himself now that he is grown knowing not to run toward cars anymore or walk up to a house with a big dog.
Makes me feel sad for him, and makes me terrified that the same type of “training” is possible for humans as well. In addition to feeling glad that he came back on my call instead of me chasing him down the street, I also felt guilt. My well-intentioned, but misguided, love broke his spirit and curiousity. And in doing so, I saved him from the greatest nightmare of a painful death by automobile, but hindered him from achieving the greatest success an animal craves—freedom.
My companions on the New York trip, Friends Richard and Justin, were wiser than me when they “allowed” me to wander in New York after we deemed it buttrape-unsafe. I say “allowed” cuz they could have tailed me for the day, but instead they let me go. And that day I took a leap from chicken-assed-ness toward my greatest success.
I was battling over whether it was best to follow self or if it was better to follow a wiser council who had my best interests in mind. Yes, this all leads back to career choices; me following parental guidance versus staking it out on my own. They are at odds with each other and cannot be reconciled.
Like with DiDi, I know if I let him run around in the street, which he loves to do, he will get himself run over sooner or later. I think I understand in this situation than him. But recently I noticed a change in him… before, as a puppy, he would dart out into the streets if we left a crack in the gate happily and with abandon. Now, he seems to understand that he isn’t supposed to run out and will promptly come back if we call him. He restricts himself now that he is grown knowing not to run toward cars anymore or walk up to a house with a big dog.
Makes me feel sad for him, and makes me terrified that the same type of “training” is possible for humans as well. In addition to feeling glad that he came back on my call instead of me chasing him down the street, I also felt guilt. My well-intentioned, but misguided, love broke his spirit and curiousity. And in doing so, I saved him from the greatest nightmare of a painful death by automobile, but hindered him from achieving the greatest success an animal craves—freedom.
My companions on the New York trip, Friends Richard and Justin, were wiser than me when they “allowed” me to wander in New York after we deemed it buttrape-unsafe. I say “allowed” cuz they could have tailed me for the day, but instead they let me go. And that day I took a leap from chicken-assed-ness toward my greatest success.
Monday, August 19, 2002
General Mood in Animal Form: DiDi the Family Puppy Dawg when you put on ur socks and he knows we are going for a walk.
On Fear: There is something about finally attacking something you have feared for so long, even if you are not with failure at first. In a way, fear deserves blessing. Thank God for fear.
On Success: Oftentimes, success isn’t all in our hands, even though failure often is. Therefore, the time to point to others is in success. My guess is that the famous (and infamous) conquerors of the past like Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar never believed in God. Too much emphasis on self-success means proportional lack of emphasis of others. An arrogant self is more likely to trust self than others, believing self more capable.
On Parents: I proclaim wow to the sacrifice given by all of our parents. He/she that does not return the time, care, and love have failed life even if they reach high status, wealth, and/or power. may our own happiness be second in priority in life.
In the Third Person: Would you trust you? Would you sacrifice yourself for you? Are you worthy of the caring of others?
Un-unique Ideas: On the way back form San Diego, Jeff told me that he was interested in traveling. The way he found that interest was surprising similar to my own, and judging from the way he told it, his ideas were NOT influenced by mine. He described it as a way to open oneself to the real world and get rid of what I term “chicken-assed-ness.” His words, impressive on their own, were especially astounding to me because I would have guessed that he would be one of the last members of my high school group to advocate travel.
This shows that my ideas are not unique, that weird ideas that I have are simply different in that I voice them and write them down. I get attention simply because I have actually voiced, written, and then acted upon my travel treatise.
This shows that my ideas are not unique, that weird ideas that I have are simply different in that I voice them and write them down. I get attention simply because I have actually voiced, written, and then acted upon my travel treatise.
Daily Walks: Went walking with Mom just now, this time farther than ever. If we keep up this pace, walking should be considered traversing. We didn’t come close to our goal of walking all the way to Pavillion to buy a bunch of grapes, but we got hella far.
During the walk, I thought that even if I don’t make a whole bunch of money or become wildly successful, I still think it says something about my character to take the time to stay back and care for family members. There are a million and a half of things I could be doing (earn money from a summer job, tend the garden, play games, hang out with friends to name a few), but here’s my priority at the moment. Everyone knows Mom won’t walk far herself if at all; someone must walk with her. Happiness and health can only be attained if Bon or I am around. Bon and I made a pact a while back that at least one of us would be in So-Cal at all times cuz aging parents always need grown kids to do something.
During the walk, I thought that even if I don’t make a whole bunch of money or become wildly successful, I still think it says something about my character to take the time to stay back and care for family members. There are a million and a half of things I could be doing (earn money from a summer job, tend the garden, play games, hang out with friends to name a few), but here’s my priority at the moment. Everyone knows Mom won’t walk far herself if at all; someone must walk with her. Happiness and health can only be attained if Bon or I am around. Bon and I made a pact a while back that at least one of us would be in So-Cal at all times cuz aging parents always need grown kids to do something.
Hearing Thru the Tomato-vine: Tending garden daily in hopes that we can raise production and start increasing exports to local friends and neighbors. This year we started a bit late so we ship yam leaves (tastes a bit like spinach), tomatoes, and sometimes passion fruit.
So far the tomatoes are the most time consuming because this year’s three different varieties are starting to ripen all at once—two new varieties, and an old favorite. We grow red large tomatoes, yellow large tomatoes, and nickel-sized cherry tomatoes. So I have to constantly monitor how much water goes into them so they won’t burst and rot, raise the vines off the ground to keep the bugs away, and clip away wilting leaves which block air and sunlight from the produce. I don’t mind because it gives me time to think with the pleasant aroma of tomatoes… and delivering organic homegrown veges from Wang Gardens is always the perfect excuse to walk the dog and find out what’s up in town.
So far the tomatoes are the most time consuming because this year’s three different varieties are starting to ripen all at once—two new varieties, and an old favorite. We grow red large tomatoes, yellow large tomatoes, and nickel-sized cherry tomatoes. So I have to constantly monitor how much water goes into them so they won’t burst and rot, raise the vines off the ground to keep the bugs away, and clip away wilting leaves which block air and sunlight from the produce. I don’t mind because it gives me time to think with the pleasant aroma of tomatoes… and delivering organic homegrown veges from Wang Gardens is always the perfect excuse to walk the dog and find out what’s up in town.
Character Flaw #177: I tend to hear about ideas or think of them, and then forget them when they can be of some use. Like a forgetful squirrel that hides nuts then forgets where he has put them later on when he’s hungry.
Dream Interpretation: Friend Justin read my dream entry and suggested that the original builder of the property surrounded by arches is ME, an abe of the past so to speak, who built something great long ago in now forgotten times. He too thought the wall symbolized law, and asked an interesting question: What would you have done if you didn’t do law?
In answer, business and/or dentistry came to mind. Business is interesting, and dentistry is stable and relatively easy cuz Dad’s a dentist (the problem is that dentistry would cause a major shift in my plans of graduating early, saving two quarters of tuition money, getting job experience and pay, and traveling ventures). Business is viable though because it would just have to start work earlier than planned. Forming Plan B…
Justin and I also made the connection that law is wall backwards (law=wal). Disturbing.
In answer, business and/or dentistry came to mind. Business is interesting, and dentistry is stable and relatively easy cuz Dad’s a dentist (the problem is that dentistry would cause a major shift in my plans of graduating early, saving two quarters of tuition money, getting job experience and pay, and traveling ventures). Business is viable though because it would just have to start work earlier than planned. Forming Plan B…
Justin and I also made the connection that law is wall backwards (law=wal). Disturbing.
Sunday, August 18, 2002
State of Abe: I'm planning to go back to Irvine on aug 23 to host a sleepover party and help people move stuff in. I'm a bit overwhelmed at the list of things to do at the moment, in terms of the thoughts that i have and the events taking place. This summer is certainly not for lounging.... the most recent thing that is bugging me is that dream I had in the blog, and it may signal a change in my career plans as i am considering going to business school instead of law school.... arghies i don't know. However, I do know that I am currently doing things that are making me happy.
General Mood: Glad to be home, concerned about lack of LSAT studying.
Weird Dream:
We lived in this really great place. It had fresh, green gardens, and neat houses with elegant decorations all around… pretty much all that our family and friends would want—we were happy.
Interestingly enough, the area was shaped like a circle. The property was encircled by a ring of red-brick arches of a magnificent height stretching to the sky, and was about 15 feet away—making it look like a circle within a circle if seen from the sky. What is even more interesting is that the Arches did not cast a shadow despite being very tall.
One day in bliss, I was tossing some weird ideas around in my head as usual and asked myself “what if someone from afar came to attack us? We would have no defense. Then I thought of a simple solution: a wall. Not that we needed because we were in danger at the moment, but because one day our blessings could be attacked and taken from us if not guarded well.
So I started building a wall by filling-in the beautiful red-brick arches… and I even did so in an artistic manner despite my perceived need for urgency. Mom and Bon helped too once in a while, although I don’t remember what their opinion of the wall was. Apparently I decided there was a need so I started building. The material that I used seemed exactly that used to make the Great Wall.
About halfway, I realized that this wall we were building wasn’t the best of defenses and could be breached given the right tools and thinking. We also didn’t have the manpower to guard the points of the wall. But since I had built so much already, I figured we might as well finish, perhaps because it could at least provide psychological assurance. I also had no better idea of a defense for a stationary place….
Possible Dream Interpretations & Commentary:
*The dream may be about me thinking that our family needs legal knowledge to protect us from a discriminatory (and litigating) world, and so I’m trying to get lawyering skills. Then I realize as I am on the path to pursue a career in law, that even with these skills our family is still vulnerable. And since I cannot think of a better defense, I might as well finish because law provides some defense, and some defense is better than no defense.
*The original guilder of the property never intended for it to have a defense, and the building of arches suggest he/she could have spent the same effort to build a wall instead, suggesting that he/she CHOSE to build arches. Arches are welcoming and act as doorways. My guess is that architects usually plan ahead when designing a structure, so the arches must serve some purpose.
Yet, maybe there were arches because the builder did not foresee a need for a defense. Whether I was right or wrong to modify the property by changing arches to walls is questionable…
*Artfully putting up walls seems to suggest that I included a lot of effort, care, and attention into doing my vocation well.
*The wall felt artificial, despite being artistic, something added on, and did not blend in with the original design.
*Perhaps the no-shadow arches ARE a type of defense. Maybe the arches are a form of open-door policy. The best defense of the Imperial Chinese was assimilation of invaders… not the Great Wall. The arches could demonstrate power, not power of defense, but power of culture. Arches selectively welcome, and those that enter are bound to be able to offer new ideas. Perhaps this refers to my current policy of trying to be open to unconventional ideas and to get everyone to work together. Networking beats a one man wall any day.
*Haha, the idea that of a dream changing my thinking more than experience seems comical, but I think that is what is happening. It isn’t the study of law that will keep me safe, it is the people I know.
We lived in this really great place. It had fresh, green gardens, and neat houses with elegant decorations all around… pretty much all that our family and friends would want—we were happy.
Interestingly enough, the area was shaped like a circle. The property was encircled by a ring of red-brick arches of a magnificent height stretching to the sky, and was about 15 feet away—making it look like a circle within a circle if seen from the sky. What is even more interesting is that the Arches did not cast a shadow despite being very tall.
One day in bliss, I was tossing some weird ideas around in my head as usual and asked myself “what if someone from afar came to attack us? We would have no defense. Then I thought of a simple solution: a wall. Not that we needed because we were in danger at the moment, but because one day our blessings could be attacked and taken from us if not guarded well.
So I started building a wall by filling-in the beautiful red-brick arches… and I even did so in an artistic manner despite my perceived need for urgency. Mom and Bon helped too once in a while, although I don’t remember what their opinion of the wall was. Apparently I decided there was a need so I started building. The material that I used seemed exactly that used to make the Great Wall.
About halfway, I realized that this wall we were building wasn’t the best of defenses and could be breached given the right tools and thinking. We also didn’t have the manpower to guard the points of the wall. But since I had built so much already, I figured we might as well finish, perhaps because it could at least provide psychological assurance. I also had no better idea of a defense for a stationary place….
Possible Dream Interpretations & Commentary:
*The dream may be about me thinking that our family needs legal knowledge to protect us from a discriminatory (and litigating) world, and so I’m trying to get lawyering skills. Then I realize as I am on the path to pursue a career in law, that even with these skills our family is still vulnerable. And since I cannot think of a better defense, I might as well finish because law provides some defense, and some defense is better than no defense.
*The original guilder of the property never intended for it to have a defense, and the building of arches suggest he/she could have spent the same effort to build a wall instead, suggesting that he/she CHOSE to build arches. Arches are welcoming and act as doorways. My guess is that architects usually plan ahead when designing a structure, so the arches must serve some purpose.
Yet, maybe there were arches because the builder did not foresee a need for a defense. Whether I was right or wrong to modify the property by changing arches to walls is questionable…
*Artfully putting up walls seems to suggest that I included a lot of effort, care, and attention into doing my vocation well.
*The wall felt artificial, despite being artistic, something added on, and did not blend in with the original design.
*Perhaps the no-shadow arches ARE a type of defense. Maybe the arches are a form of open-door policy. The best defense of the Imperial Chinese was assimilation of invaders… not the Great Wall. The arches could demonstrate power, not power of defense, but power of culture. Arches selectively welcome, and those that enter are bound to be able to offer new ideas. Perhaps this refers to my current policy of trying to be open to unconventional ideas and to get everyone to work together. Networking beats a one man wall any day.
*Haha, the idea that of a dream changing my thinking more than experience seems comical, but I think that is what is happening. It isn’t the study of law that will keep me safe, it is the people I know.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
I will have updates about my week in San Diego up within the week... hold on my faithful readers!!!
General Mood: Grateful
Thursday, August 08, 2002
General Mood: Uplifted.
Movies seen recently + commentary:
Shallow Hal—excellent movie for both sexes, please don’t take the first 30 min seriously. It’s about an unhappy guy who goes from gals based on looks and wonders why he’s still single who gets his perception changed so he looks at inner beauty instead.
John Q—Excellent movie, although won’t be winning any Oscars anytime soon. About how poor guy saves his son by holding an emergency rooms’ personal hostage. Denzel Washington struts his stuff. Moral: being poor sucks because American society simply doesn’t care about the downtrodden.
Gotsford Park—subtle murder mystery, but failed to keep me in suspense. Took too long to kill the guy and he died a very Rated-PG death. Took place in England in an Elitist setting, which turned me off from wanting to visit England… more consideration required…
Reign of Fire—Interesting movie about dragons taking over the world. It had its creative moments…. Like natural napom dragon breath, but the ending was really cheesy. I spent most of my time between thinking about who the blond was and how one male dragon would be able to fly across the world fertilizing dragon eggs as he flew by… potent sperm massed produced?
Austin Powers in Goldmember—cheesy movie with more than a few laughs. Don’t watch it for the plot and don’t take ur date to it. My friends wildly approved, I safely abstained.
Shallow Hal—excellent movie for both sexes, please don’t take the first 30 min seriously. It’s about an unhappy guy who goes from gals based on looks and wonders why he’s still single who gets his perception changed so he looks at inner beauty instead.
John Q—Excellent movie, although won’t be winning any Oscars anytime soon. About how poor guy saves his son by holding an emergency rooms’ personal hostage. Denzel Washington struts his stuff. Moral: being poor sucks because American society simply doesn’t care about the downtrodden.
Gotsford Park—subtle murder mystery, but failed to keep me in suspense. Took too long to kill the guy and he died a very Rated-PG death. Took place in England in an Elitist setting, which turned me off from wanting to visit England… more consideration required…
Reign of Fire—Interesting movie about dragons taking over the world. It had its creative moments…. Like natural napom dragon breath, but the ending was really cheesy. I spent most of my time between thinking about who the blond was and how one male dragon would be able to fly across the world fertilizing dragon eggs as he flew by… potent sperm massed produced?
Austin Powers in Goldmember—cheesy movie with more than a few laughs. Don’t watch it for the plot and don’t take ur date to it. My friends wildly approved, I safely abstained.
Sunday, August 04, 2002
General Mood: Stiff... must will self to move.... :o)
Current location: San Diego, Friend Richard’s place. Gonna stay for the week planning what to do by the day. We went to the beach yesterday and took over a bonfire... and a roaring one at that!!! We were planning to spend our summer between Arcadia, Irvine and SD a while back but for various reasons that didn't pan out, but we are still doing some visiting. Seaweed on the fire burns green. Also went to Tapioca Express here and it reminds me of Mcdonald’s… same quality can be expected wherever u go.
SHOUT retreat: Much preparation involved, 9 people were expected, 5 showed up, and the rest canceled for various reasons/excuses. The people that did show up happened to be the vocal minority, however, so we had no trouble establishing a satisfactory comfort level quickly. We bonded.
Pizza for dinner, played board games, watched 2 out of 3 rented videos…. We pulled an all nighter and went to bed at 7am. Scandalous questions were asked and answered… staying up late and drinking alcohol seems to have the same effect on people in that it gets them to say things they usually would not say (non-alcoholic event and I don’t drink).
I still do not know how SHOUT will turn out in the coming year. I have full confidence in Armond and Gail, who both came to the retreat and asked us a lot of questions about how to run the club even though we emphasized bonding. Will there be another retreat? humm... would people show up if we "retreated" to Disneyland and SHOUT paid for it?
Vero, Mikey, and I ran the club last year with some experience between the 3 of us and were scrambling to get things done though, so they may need additional backup. This past year has been a vintage year for SHOUT so even if SHOUT doesn’t live forever, it has much to say about the quality of life. And thanks to us, SHOUT didn’t have to die on the ground. It would be all the better if SHOUT could have both and we shall see as the school year unfolds.
Pizza for dinner, played board games, watched 2 out of 3 rented videos…. We pulled an all nighter and went to bed at 7am. Scandalous questions were asked and answered… staying up late and drinking alcohol seems to have the same effect on people in that it gets them to say things they usually would not say (non-alcoholic event and I don’t drink).
I still do not know how SHOUT will turn out in the coming year. I have full confidence in Armond and Gail, who both came to the retreat and asked us a lot of questions about how to run the club even though we emphasized bonding. Will there be another retreat? humm... would people show up if we "retreated" to Disneyland and SHOUT paid for it?
Vero, Mikey, and I ran the club last year with some experience between the 3 of us and were scrambling to get things done though, so they may need additional backup. This past year has been a vintage year for SHOUT so even if SHOUT doesn’t live forever, it has much to say about the quality of life. And thanks to us, SHOUT didn’t have to die on the ground. It would be all the better if SHOUT could have both and we shall see as the school year unfolds.
Ponderance: Why aren’t there drive thrus at Boba places?
Harry Potter: Finished 4th Harry Potter book, he lives in a “state of abe” which I wish I could always exist at. I aspire to be like Harry Potter. Always thinking of others first, fighting every battle his hardest… he isn’t perfect-- he is so much more. The flawed hero overcoming is his flaws beats superman any day.
I look at my own track record and method of resolving my every day problems and I have much to do. I think of the people I care about most of the time, but not as much as I could. I get discouraged by fear and intimidation far too easily. I gotta frontally face fear and to believe!!! I have much more difficulty believing than I used to; in myself, in people, in events. Chicken-assed-ness must be conquered.
Harry Potter and I look alike!!! We both sport wild hair and glasses. He also has an Asian fetish…. Too bad he got shot down by Cho Chang, all the nice guy readers felt that punch in the stomach with him.
I look at my own track record and method of resolving my every day problems and I have much to do. I think of the people I care about most of the time, but not as much as I could. I get discouraged by fear and intimidation far too easily. I gotta frontally face fear and to believe!!! I have much more difficulty believing than I used to; in myself, in people, in events. Chicken-assed-ness must be conquered.
Harry Potter and I look alike!!! We both sport wild hair and glasses. He also has an Asian fetish…. Too bad he got shot down by Cho Chang, all the nice guy readers felt that punch in the stomach with him.
